You Are Supported.
To a young girl fighting,
It has been a while since I have written. I have learned a whole lot in the past 3 months. After IOP, I went back to school. It was a huge adjustment seeing friends, being in class, and seeing teachers. But with the help from my supports I was able to fully be back in class.
The support system you have is one of the most important aspects of recovery. Having access to them when you need it is super beneficial when trudging through rough moments. Finding those supports can be a challenging process though. I know you are trying so hard to find your right supports. I know how freakin hard it can be. It took me years to find mine. But now that I have it there is honestly no turning back.
Shutting out the world used to be my forte, but after a hell of a lot I have learned that that may be the worst thing for me. Last night, I'm not gonna lie, I was a mess. I was crying, I was screaming, I had urges that hadn’t come up for a while. And that is all normal (because recovery IS NOT linear!!!!). Instead of shutting out the world and not reaching out to my supports and acting upon my urges, I reached out to my team. When I tell you they saved me, they saved me! It took some big guts for me to reach out, I would have rather shut everyone out and act upon my urges BUT I took the safe route and reached out.
I know you are probably reading that and thinking, “wow go Alexa I could never do that.” FALSE!! You can! It takes practice. To start, reach out to your team for small things. Maybe ask, “does this fit my meal plan?” or “so far my day is hard, I am having lots of urges, what should I do?” It is so super important to reach out for help and build a relationship with your support team. AND DON'T YOU DARE FEEL BAD FOR REACHING OUT!! REMEMBER, IT'S THEIR JOB!! Don’t pull the “oh I am a burden” card. They are there to help!!
Like I said earlier, recovery is not a perfect line. It is ok to have ups and downs. Its so normal. Just because you had a bad day doesn’t mean you are going right back to treatment or people are gonna be disappointed. A bad day is not a bad life or a bad recovery!!!!
Keep fighting beautiful!!
Love,
Alexa Cohen <3
