You Are Not Alone

Feeling alone is one of the worst feelings in the world. When I was deep in my eating disorder I was extremely lonely. The peak of my eating disorder was during quarantine. So, no human connection other than my family, no going out and having fun, no school, nothing. 

Hiding food, sneaking workouts was so lonely. I wanted to keep it all in. I thought it was a normal thing. I thought being lonely was a norm. 

Ever since I was in middle school I have struggled with depression. Depression is something that I consider very lonely. Crying alone in your room, or just feeling so numb you can’t cry. It's all a very lonely feeling that I can’t really explain unless you have experienced it. The best way that I can describe it is trying to climb out of a big hole with no ladder. Just stuck in that deep hole forever. 

Until you find your people. I am forever grateful for my people. Fast forward two years. I am surrounded and no longer lonely (ofc I have my lonely moments but they no longer destroy me). Liz (my therapist), Melanie (my dietitian), my mom and my dad are my people. They just get me. It took some long ass time to find them and to let myself talk to them. BUT DAMN is it worth it. I can now explain myself and they just understand. 

You are fully capable of being a happy person. You may have to work your ass off but hey, its fuckin worth it. Damn it's worth it. Don’t you wanna one day buy your parents a house and see their reactions, or see your favorite artist in concert, or travel to the ultimate destination with your soulmate? You are capable of having those happy moments. Live your life baby, LIVE IT! I wanna shout that so loud to every single one of you!

You are beautiful inside and out, every one of you! Keep that fight! You are a strong mother fucker!! 

Love, 

Alexa Cohen