You Are Little.
To a young girl fighting,
The appointments after appointments must be exhausting, I know that it is because that's what I'm living right now. All day at a unit where I know no one. Alone and scared everyday to one day achieve the life I have always wanted. A life free of this bullshit we call an eating disorder. I know how hard you are working and I know how hard you want your life back. This shit sucks, and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. You don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve the fights with people you love, the constant chatter in your ear. You deserve a life past this, a free life, a meaningful life.
To the girl struggling to look at herself in the mirror, I get it. You are so far from alone. Wouldn’t it be so nice to one day look at yourself in the mirror are go “you are a fucking bad ass bitch!” Well little miss, that day can happen, that day can be in your future. You are working so hard and you are doing great, I know it. The love for yourself doesn't happen overnight, but there is hope, hold onto that hope. Lean into the people who care for you, your supports, the people that want the best for you.
I want you to pull out your phone and pull up a picture of you when you were little. Look at her, so pure and innocent. I want that little girl back, I miss your little girl. She is still in there, I promise. Dig deep. You are still that little girl sitting on the swings eating a popsicle on a hot summer day. She wants you back, she doesn’t want this life for you. She wants you to be happy and healthy and live your best life. She would want you to eat that last bite of your burger, she would want you to go out and get that medium ice cream with friends from your favorite shop, she would want you to go to that party and get fucking hammered and not be scared of those gosh darn calories on those drinks. She wants you to be happy, she wants you to be safe, she wants everything good in the world to happen.
You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to cry, you are allowed to listen to Scars to Your Beautiful on repeat. But you are not allowed to let this fucking disease eat you up. You are stronger than this, I know it, you know it. Think about your future for a moment, the kids you have always wanted, the husband or wife you have always dreamed of, that dream college, your grandkids. It's all waiting for you, if you fight. These things don't come easy, but they will come if you don't give up. We are all rooting for you little girl, we all want that dreamed up life you thought of when you were young.
Take a deep breath, you are going to be okay. You are. This nightmare will be over, you will eventually wake up. But for now, remember you are loved, by me, by your friends, by your parents, by your supports. No one is ever going to give up on you, not me at least. I am your biggest cheerleader. You are beautiful inside and out, kind, courageous, loyal, and brave. Never forget that.
I know how hard you are trying, I see you, I hear you. I also know you can do this because you can do hard things. This wave will pass just like all waves do. Be patient. Have compassion for yourself. I am always here for you, always.
Keep fighting
Love,
Alexa Cohen <3
Sassy pants Lex
Lil Lex
Go Red Sox!!
