fuck tik tok

Eating disorders aren’t pretty, they aren’t cute, and they aren’t fun. I hate the way apps like tik tok speak so lightly on such a dark topic, how people glamorize this deadly disease that affects so many. 

As an 18-year-old, in recovery, that is active on most social media apps I can tell you it's dangerous out there. You can so easily get trapped into pro-ana, pro-ed videos, blogs, etc. But I bet most of you already know that. I bet most of you yourselves have been trapped in that same loop of glamorized eating disorders and diet culture videos. 

So let's change that. Let’s change the way people view this terrible, deadly, and scary disease. 

When I was sick with my eating disorder I couldn't watch a tv show/movie or even walk around school without looking at everyones waist and comparing it to mine. I would only feel pretty if I were hungry. I couldn’t remember a single thing. I didn’t even care about the food and how good or bad it tasted, I just cared about the numbers. And trying to avoid the caloric calculator in my head was like trying to avoid television subtitles. It was fucking exhausting man. 

By no means am I saying recovery is not exhausting, it is, but damn is it worth it. 

The last month or so I have been in a rut. Down, depressed, and lonely. It was like a tunnel with no light to be seen. But the past 4 days or so I have found that light. I finally got out of the house, and saw some hope. I’ve seen now that recovery can be possible, that there are happy things in my world. Of course I still have had my moments these past 4 days BUT I have also had little pocket moments of smiles. And that my loves is a huge win. 

Recovery is possible not only for me but for you! 

Keep on fighting! 

from a moment I had a genuine smile :)